Season Five, Episode Nine: “GoldenEar”
Transcript
EXT. X STREET ALLEY NORTHWEST APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Footsteps clack along the street, as someone eavesdrops on an
encoded conversation:
SECRET SECURITY GUY (ON THE RADIO)
Twenty-one hundred hours and all’s
well. Is Mister President secure?
SECRET SERVICE (ON THE RADIO)
All tucked in for beddie-bye.
Click.
CHET
I can’t believe the old stuffedpile-
of-clothes trick worked.
Chet stops in front of an apartment building.
CHET (CONT'D)
And look at that. X Street Alley
Northwest does exist.
(checks the building)
Number 24. Guess I’ll just let
myself in.
He shoulder blocks the door and breaks it open.
Nothing moves inside. Chet heads to the elevator and pushes a
button. Nothing.
CHET (CONT'D)
Broken elevator and no lights.
Wonder what they’re charging for
rent?
Chet opens a squeaky access door and jogs up the stairs. He
breaks back into a hallway.
CHET (CONT'D)
Apartment...number...seven.
He listens at the door. An intermittent MECHANICAL SOUND.
CHET (CONT'D)
(to himself)
What’s that sound?
He knocks. Skittish sounds behind the door.
NELSON (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Who’s there?
CHET
Grub hub!
OZ (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Did you order food?
NELSON (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Do I look like an idiot, Oz?
OZ (BEHIND THE DOOR)
You want me to answer that, Fran?
NELSON (BEHIND THE DOOR)
How about you go answer the door!
Footsteps and grumbling from behind the door.
OZ (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Leave the food and go!
CHET
No tip?
OZ (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Wait, you sound familiar...
CHET
So do you.
NELSON (BEHIND THE DOOR)
The boss said no one would ever
find us in here! Get rid of him!
OZ (BEHIND THE DOOR)
Who are you?
CHET
Open up and take a gander.
The door cracks slightly. A chain lock holds it back.
OZ
Inconceivable!
NELSON
Who is it?
OZ
It’s -
Chet KICKS THE DOOR IN.
CHET
- President of the United States
Chet Phillips!
OZ
Crap!
Chet grabs Oz and slams him against the wall.
CHET
You’re not going anywhere...Powers?
Ex-Vice President Oswald Powers?
OZ
Uh, of course not! You must have
mistaken me for some other ex-Vice
President! My name is Aaron Burr!
Nelson runs in, carrying an armload of paper slips.
NELSON
Oz you moron, we gotta flush the
contraband!
(sees Chet)
AAH!
CHET
And ex-Speaker Fran Nelson! What is
this, the treason house?
OZ
Nelson, help!
But Nelson runs. Chet leans on Oz.
CHET
Have you two been hiding in this
apartment since you were thrown out
of office? Who put you in here?
OZ
I’ll never tell!
CHET
OK let’s just see what’s on this
slip of paper in your pocket.
OZ
That’s classified!
Oz CHOMPS the paper in Chet’s hand, chews and swallows it!
CHET
GAH! You sonovabitch, don’t eat it!
Who are you working for?
OZ
(terrified)
I don’t know his name! He said the
three of us could work here while
keeping out of the public eye!
CHET
“The three of us?”
NELSON
EAT PAPERWEIGHT, PHILLIPS!
Nelson CLOCKS HIM AGAIN and AGAIN! Oz scrambles away!
CHET
Is this because I dated your mom?
NELSON
SOMEWHAT!
He TOSSES HER aside. A toilet FLUSHES somewhere.
MAN IN THE BATHROOM
That’s it! Everything’s flushed!
CHET
Who else is hiding in here? Oh no
you don’t! C’mere...
As the Man runs from the bathroom, Chet CATCHES him, and sees
that it is...
CHET (CONT'D)
...PRESIDENT HENSON?!?
HENSON
Lemme go!
CHET
How are you alive? I threw you off
Air Force One and you exploded!
HENSON
Uhhh that’s right I must be a
hallucination! None of this is real
so you might as well forget it!
OZ
Take that!
Oz SLUGS Chet, freeing Henson!
HENSON
The safehouse is compromised!
NELSON
Oh you think?
OZ
I’m outta here! Get someone else to
work this crazy room!
All three traitors scramble away and slam the door on their
way out!
CHET
(recovering)
Nelson! Henson! Oz! What is this
place? What job were you doing?
Silence. Then Chet hears the MECHANICAL SOUND again. He
pushes open a CREAKING door.
CHET (CONT'D)
What the hell...
(the sound fires again)
Pneumatic tubes? Is it some kind of
old-timey message relay system?
SCHOOMP. A canister pops up from a tube. He opens it.
CHET (CONT'D)
Okay...the canisters come in with
paper messages -
(unfurls the paper)
...nine-six-one-oh-eight...it’s
just a bunch of numbers.
He sets down the canister. He reads the labels on the tubes.
CHET (CONT'D)
Okay...these tubes are the
“INCOMING” ones, from...Bank Of
America...the taco place on Oregon
Avenue?...the Cincinnati post
office?
(he moves to the last
tube)
But there’s only one “OUTGOING”
tube...so all these numbers are
going to......OG.
OPENING MUSIC!
MISSION VOICE
Mission: Rejected. The story of the
world’s most secret agents: the
backups. Tonight’s episode:
GoldenEar.
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - NO DEFINITE TIME
Zelda seats herself across from Skip.
ZELDA
So...as per your request. I made
some deals and twisted some arms.
And here is your special mission
packet.
SKIP
Excellent!
Skip tears into the packet eagerly.
ZELDA
Do you believe your team will react
well to this assignment?
SKIP
Why wouldn’t they?
The door opens, and in comes McGrath, Bowden, and Gloria.
They are singing bad action songs (the theme song?) and
miming gun noises and somersaults.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Good morning, folks! What...what’s
happening right now?
MCGRATH
Just rolling like spies, Skip.
SKIP
I see!
GLORIA
Zelda mentioned that there’s a very
important mission coming to us!
SKIP
That’s right!
BOWDEN
From the top brass?
SKIP
Even higher!
ZELDA
You would be doing a solid for
certain long-entrenched powers.
SKIP
Are you all wearing Ray-Bans?
GLORIA
Not all of us...yet!
MCGRATH
Happy mission day, Skip.
SKIP
What...oh my!
McGrath puts a tiny box in front of him and he opens it.
BOWDEN
Just a token of our appreciation.
SKIP
I mean I don’t know if sunglasses
are quite my style but -
(gasp)
Are the nose pads engraved with
COLORED FILE FOLDERS?
GLORIA
Custom-made!
SKIP
And...a pewter cigarette lighter!
And...a pack of Lucky Strikes?
BOWDEN
Those were McGrath’s idea.
MCGRATH
I figured you needed as much cool
as you could get. Or lung cancer.
GLORIA
Skip, we wanted to say thank you.
MCGRATH
This year, it’s been like working
for a whole new operation.
BOWDEN
We’ve been on missions to South
America, France, Scotland -
GLORIA
- not even counting our little
excursions in Italy -
BOWDEN
Ha ha!
ZELDA
McGrath, you’re usually a
little...subdued about travel -
MCGRATH
THE FOOD, Z! I have never eaten so
much world cuisine since I hacked
my way into EPCOT center in 2015.
GLORIA
And now you’re telling us the top
brass have an even more highprofile
mission?
SKIP
That’s right!
MCGRATH
Lay it on us! Where we going?
BOWDEN
Nairobi?
GLORIA
New Zealand?
MCGRATH
The Great Wall of China?
SKIP
Wentworth, South Dakota!
Silence.
GLORIA
There’s not a South Dakota in
Amsterdam, I suppose?
SKIP
South Dakota, USA!
MCGRATH
SOUTH DAKOTA?!? No Dakota! We
already went to one Dakota!
BOWDEN
We’ve filled our Dakota quota!
MCGRATH
You know what I’m returning your
glasses.
SKIP
What? C’mon, gang! South Dakota can
stand toe-to-toe with plenty of
other global cultural centers!
GLORIA
How?
SKIP
It’s the home of Mount Rushmore!
And the Crazy Horse Memorial! And
Girl in Space’s Sarah Rhea Werner!
MCGRATH
And what unique landmark will we be
visiting in South Dakota?
SKIP
......a corn maze?
MCGRATH
(grabbing the box)
BACK TO SUNGLASS HUT YOU GO.
GLORIA
Why are we going to a corn maze?
SKIP
We’re completing a dead-drop
interception!
BOWDEN
It figures! The only thing to do in
South Dakota is college football!
SKIP
Because this corn maze is known for
being unsolvable, operatives often
use it to drop off and collect
packages at the maze’s center. We
are to steal one of these packages
before its intended receiver does!
It’ll be easy! And fun!
MCGRATH
Getting lost in corn is your idea
of fun?
SKIP
Guys...you do have the right to
reject this mission but...Zelda and
I went to great lengths and cashed
in several favors to land this
assignment, so.....please?
Resigned grumbling all around.
GLORIA
Okay, Skip. I’m in.
BOWDEN
Where my lovely wife goes, so go I.
MCGRATH
You’re gonna take me to the all-youcan-
eat buffet at the Shrimp
Garden, Agent Granger.
SKIP
(shudders)
Agreed.
(to Zelda)
Is that the sort of deal you made?
ZELDA
I’m not that brave.
(on the intercom)
Send the specialist to the briefing
room.
SKIP
Now I’ve just gotten the mission
packet, so I’ll be loading the
slide projector as we go!
They all grumble and sit as Skip fumbles the first slide into
the projector.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Right...pictured...here -
MCGRATH
Upside-down.
SKIP
Right! Pictured.....here!...is
Labyrinth Acres, a produce farm
just outside of Wentworth.
BOWDEN
How rustic.
GLORIA
It’s cute! A little mom-and-pop
farm.
SKIP
Well the owners are, as far as we
can tell, a little mom-and-pop
conglomeration of shell companies.
MCGRATH
Passing the values of rural America
on to their baby shell companies.
SKIP
(click)
Here’s a satellite view...
GLORIA
Out of focus.
SKIP
No, actually, that’s the picture.
BOWDEN
That looks more airbrushed than Joe
Manganiello’s GQ cover.
SKIP
This is the best Google Maps can
do. In fact, any attempt to take
satellite photos of the farm
triggers a military response.
GLORIA
That seems...excessive. Why?
SKIP
The mystery shell companies bought
the land from the government in
1995. It was built and cultivated
directly on top of a decommissioned
nuclear launch site.
MCGRATH
There’s a NUKE under this farm?
SKIP
The nuclear missile has been long
since removed.
BOWDEN
Thank god for small favors.
SKIP
The facility was filled with cement
and a layer of topsoil laid down to
grow a genetically modified strain
of hardy golden corn.
Click.
GLORIA
That corn does not look certified
organic.
BOWDEN
That looks certified radioactive.
SKIP
It’s not...exactly.
MCGRATH
It’s not EXACTLY RADIOACTIVE?
ZELDA
The soil has been tested and is
within tolerance limits.
BOWDEN
“Within limits”?
MCGRATH
And you want us to go into a MAZE
of this stuff?
SKIP
We will have to move through it
quickly anyway, once the package in
in play, so to help us -
(knock knock)
Perfect timing! Come in!
Nivin nervously trips as she enters the room.
NIVIN
Oh, hell. Hello.
SKIP
Meet Anna Nivin! Anna, team!
GLORIA
Pleased to meet you, Ms. Nivin! I’m
Agent Gloria Kovak -
NIVIN
Agent Gloria Kovak: loving karaoke
tag.
Silence.
GLORIA
What?
NIVIN
Sorry I anagram when I get nervous.
SKIP
Ms. Nivin is a world champion
puzzle solver and creator of Anna’s
Grams, an online acrostic game!
BOWDEN
Oh, so you’re responsible for my
morning phone addiction.
NIVIN
Oh! Weren’t you in Pastanado?
BOWDEN
A fan! Bowden Montcrief -
NIVIN
Bowden Montcrief: C-Town fiber
demon.
BOWDEN
Slander!
SKIP
And -
MCGRATH
Don’t.
SKIP
Mackenzie McGrath!
NIVIN
Meet Zack Charming.
MCGRATH
Eh, that could’ve been worse.
GLORIA
(excited)
Are we fighting crossword puzzles?
SKIP
Sadly, no. But Ms. Nivin’s skills
go beyond mere wordplay.
ZELDA
Ms. Nivin beat the world record
time at last year’s A-maze-ing
Masters Competition in Olympia.
NIVIN
Sixteen seconds, start to finish.
MCGRATH
Oh good. So she solves the maze,
and the rest of us stay home.
SKIP
No.
GLORIA
But...won’t solving a corn maze
from the inside be different than
looking down at a piece of paper?
SKIP
That’s why you’ll be helping Ms.
Nivin to look down...from the air!
Click.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Gloria, you’ll pilot a biplane
entered in this year’s Air Race
Classic. McGrath will be your
copilot. You’ll “accidentally” fly
off-course over Wentworth.
GLORIA
And while we’re flying into
protected airspace, how do we avoid
being shot down by military jets?
MCGRATH
Barnstorming!
SKIP
McGrath, you’ll tap into the
military chatter and feed the
authorities fake locations.
MCGRATH
Aw. What’s wrong with barnstorming?
SKIP
Ms. Nivin will solve the maze from
the plane, then radio the solution
to Bowden and I on the ground.
BOWDEN
Wait, how did I draw radioactive
maze duty?
SKIP
It isn’t dangerous, Bowden! You and
I will blend in as farm patrons.
We’ll speed through the maze,
collect the package, and get out.
NIVIN
I’ll do my best, Agent Granger.
Thank you for the opportunity.
SKIP
Not at all! You can thank Section
Chief Zelda Anders -
NIVIN
Zelda Anders: darn’d sleaze.
ZELDA
...get out, all of you.
TRANSITION MUSIC
EXT. LABRYNTH FARMS - DAY
Skip and Bowden clomp up to a farmstand, past dozens of happy
pumpkin pickers and children screaming for kettle corn.
SKIP
Now THIS is what I call a mission
location!
BOWDEN
Yes. The Louvre pales in
comparison.
SKIP
Oh come on, Bowden! Didn’t you ever
go to the farm to pick pumpkins for
Halloween?
BOWDEN
My parents thought farms gave you
lice and that Halloween was the
root cause of “hooliganism”.
SKIP
Let’s get to the farmstand! They’ll
deep fry you a Coca-Cola!
They approach the farmstand and the disinterested cashier.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Good afternoon! We’ll take two
tickets to the corn maze!
FARMSTAND
You want the kiddie maze, spooky
maze, frustration maze, or maze of
insanity?
SKIP
We’ll take the maze of insanity!
FARMSTAND
Out of staters?
SKIP
Oh, well, why do you ask?
FARMSTAND
Most locals know better than to
start the insanity maze at threethirty
in the afternoon.
BOWDEN
Maybe we should come back tomorrow.
SKIP
No no! We drove from...out of
state...to attempt this maze! Two
tickets, please!
FARMSTAND
Here’s your waivers.
BOWDEN
Waivers?!?
FARMSTAND
Pens are in the coffee can at the
end of the table.
Skip and Bowden move to the end of the table and begin to
read the waivers.
BOWDEN
“...participants agree not to hold
Labyrinth Farms liable for injury,
loss of limb or life, psychological
trauma, physiological trauma,
biochemical trauma...”
SKIP
“...damage to corn maze is
punishable by up thirty-five years
in prison and six dollar fine...”
BOWDEN
“...hazardous levels of
dehydration...”
SKIP
“...light deprivation...”
BOWDEN
“...corn psychosis...?”
SKIP
“...bring a buddy!” Welp, looks
good!
BOWDEN
What?!?
SKIP
Let’s sign.
They start to sign. Another customer - SHADOW - approaches
the farm stand. His accent is slightly British.
SHADOW
One ticket for the maze of
insanity, please.
FARMSTAND
Here’s your waiver, pens in the -
SHADOW
I’ve brought my own.
Another farmgoer - CASE - hurries along and BUMPS into
Shadow. Their entire conversation is slightly British.
CASE
My deepest apologies!
SHADOW
None required!
CASE
Attempting the big maze?
SHADOW
I came a long way to conquer it.
CASE
Curious! I also gave it a whirl.
Reached the center!
SHADOW
Did it take long?
CASE
Three hours, forty-six minutes and
twenty seconds on the tick.
SHADOW
My smart watch is broken. I won’t
be able to time myself.
CASE
Most curious. Good luck!
Case hurries off. Shadow turns in his waiver.
SHADOW
Your waiver.
FARMSTAND
Follow the signs to the entrance.
Shadow goes. Bowden’s still reading the papers.
SKIP
(whispering)
My goodness. Bowden!
BOWDEN
(whispering)
What do you think “panic indemnity”
means?
SKIP
Bowden that was our mark!
BOWDEN
What was?
SKIP
Those innocent-sounding farm
patrons were definitely speaking in
code!
BOWDEN
Could you crack it?
SKIP
Not all of it, but one “reached the
center”! She completed the drop,
and the other just went in to
retrieve it! C’mon, turn in your
form, we’ve got to tail that one!
BOWDEN
I haven’t finished reading this
waiver! My agent taught me to never
sign unless -
SKIP
THEY’RE GETTING AWAY.
BOWDEN
Fine!
They sign and practically throw the waivers at the farmstand.
FARMSTAND
Follow the signs -
SKIP
Followthesignstotheentrance, got
it!
They’re off and running.
FARMSTAND
Never gonna see those idiots again.
TRANSITION MUSIC
EXT. THE AIR RACE CLASSIC - DAY
The sounds of motors and mechanics everywhere. Gloria,
McGrath, and Nivin clomp across the tarmac.
GLORIA
Are these the only SnapFace masks
you had available?
MCGRATH
They’re the best ones available.
GLORIA
You don’t think anyone’s going to
notice that the members of
Bananarama are competing in a
women’s air race?
NIVIN
Sara Dallin: Dallas rain; Siobhan
Faley: all ebony fish; Keren
Woodward -
MCGRATH
See? Nivin’s already got our cover
names memorized. And I got these
faces off their albums from the
80s, no one will think we’re them.
GLORIA
Or they’ll think we’re vampires!
MCGRATH
C’mon. Has anyone ever thought we
were vampires?
GLORIA
Yes!
MCGRATH
Where’s our plane?
GLORIA
Skip said our EMF contact would
meet us on tarmac 3. Here’s
1...2...and...
WILES
Hey Bananarama! My favorite!
MCGRATH
Oh great.
NIVIN
Who’s this?
WILES
Hi! Doctor Hypatia Wiles, it’s -
NIVIN
Hypatia Wiles: pity is a whale.
WILES
O...kay that was a weird response,
even for me.
GLORIA
Doctor, where’s the plane?
WILES
My new lab assistant is pulling it
up now. Here he comes!
The plane is rolling up, engine sputtering.
MCGRATH
They gave you a lab assistant?
GLORIA
Wait...is that...?
TIMMY
(less evil, more
triumphant)
Nyah heh heh!
MCGRATH
TIMMY?!?
TIMMY
Yes it is I! EMF Science Labs
Intern Timmy Two-Bit Thompson -
NIVIN
Timmy Two-Bit Thompson: I’m mint,
why stop Bottom?
TIMMY
- I...how...what did you say, lady?
MCGRATH
Timmy I swear to god if you helped
to build this plane -
WILES
Oh don’t worry, the plane was all
mine.
MCGRATH
That doesn’t make me feel better.
WILES
Timmy built the emergency landing
devices!
GLORIA
You mean the parachutes?
TIMMY
(leaping down)
Nothing so pedestrian! These
backpacks contain spring-loaded
motor-driven aerofoils! If you find
yourself spotted by the
authorities, just pull the cord and
voila! You’re smooth-sailing away!
WILES
I’m gonna adopt him! Hop in!
They climb up.
NIVIN
This plane is...rather...crackly?
MCGRATH
Yeah Wiles why does this plane feel
like it’s made out of rice cakes?
WILES
Oh, thanks for reminding me! It’s a
special lightweight polymer!
GLORIA
Uh, what is this button on the dash
that says, “Do not push”?
WILES
Yeah, they told me I should write
that on there.
GLORIA
Don’t tell me if we push it the
plane will blow up?
WILES
No! It’s more like the plane
will...cease to exist?
GLORIA
WHAT?!?
WILES
It injects a reactive compound into
the plane’s structure and it’ll
just kind of...dissolve.
TIMMY
Leaving no evidence for the police
to trace you!
MCGRATH
Other than our crushed bodies after
we plummet to the ground!
WILES
That’s the spirit! Happy flying!
GLORIA
(sighs)
Let’s taxi this death trap over to
the fueling station.
NIVIN
Death trap: parted hat.
MCGRATH
You said it.
Wiles and Timmy follow the plane as it taxis off. Footsteps
approach cautiously: CASE is following them.
CASE
Curious. Most curious.
TRANISITION MUSIC
EXT. CORN MAZE - DAY
Skip and Bowden hurry through the maze.
SKIP
Quick, Bowden! We can’t lose him!
BOWDEN
It’s not him I’m worried about
getting lost!
SKIP
I saw him make a right up ahead!
BOWDEN
Are these cornstalk hallways
getting narrower?
SKIP
They’re eight feet wide, Bowden!
What’s wrong with you?
BOWDEN
I’ve never been in a corn maze
before!
SKIP
Corn mazes are just the escape
rooms of the American heartland!
BOWDEN
I hate escape rooms! Remember you
tried to drag me to Barry Boudini’s
“Puzzle on the Pier”?
SKIP
There he goes! Come on!
They sneak quietly through the cornmaze.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Steady...we’ve got him...
(they stop)
...where’d he go?
BOWDEN
Oh, too bad, a dead end, guess we
go home!
SKIP
Hold on - there were no branches
off this path, right? There’s
nowhere he could have gone!
BOWDEN
Maybe he did the sensible thing and
brought a jetpack.
SKIP
We need a bird’s eye view.
(beeps on his comms)
Come in, Redenbacher. This is the
Kernel.
QUICK TRANSITION
EXT. BIPLANE - DAY
Gloria grimaces as she flies the plane; McGrath’s flying
copilot; Nivin hangs on in the rear seat.
GLORIA
Redenbacher here, Kernel.
NIVIN
Is that like the Kentucky Fried
Chicken Colonel or -
MCGRATH
NO, LIKE A CORN KERNEL, A CODENAME
HE GAVE HIMSELF ON PURPOSE.
SKIP (ON THE RADIO)
We were tailing the mark through
the maze but lost him. Can you get
a bead on us?
MCGRATH
Switching to instruments.
(beep)
We got you!
BOWDEN (ON THE RADIO)
How do we get out of here?
SKIP (ON THE RADIO)
Quiet, Scarecrow!
BOWDEN (ON THE RADIO)
Where scarecrow?!?
SKIP (ON THE RADIO)
YOU’RE Scarecrow!
BOWDEN (ON THE RADIO)
Oh.
MCGRATH
If he only had some brains.
SKIP (ON THE RADIO)
Time to map this maze, team!
GLORIA
You’re up, Ms. Nivin! Skip and
Bowden are right there, and the
center of the maze is there. Find
the shortest path.
NIVIN
Okay. Whoa...I’ve never tried to
solve a maze from six thousand feet
in the air.
MCGRATH
If you get airsick try to hit Skip.
NIVIN
...I can’t solve this maze.
GLORIA
Ms. Nivin, this is no time for a
crisis of conscience -
NIVIN
No, I can’t solve this maze. It’s
unsolvable.
QUICK TRANSITION
SKIP
Wait, Ms. Nivin, are you saying
there’s no way to get to the center
of the maze?
NIVIN (ON THE RADIO)
That’s right. The parts of the maze
connected to the center aren’t
connected to your part.
BOWDEN
Okay it’s impossible I guess we
leave, then!
SKIP
Bowden, breathe. Redenbacher, we
have credible intel that multiple
operatives use the the center of
the maze as a dead drop site.
MCGRATH (ON THE RADIO)
Then just walk through the corn.
BOWDEN
Don’t mind if I do!
SKIP
Bowden, wait -
BOWDEN
OW! THE CORN BIT ME!
SKIP
I told you, we’re standing on
shallow topsoil spread over an
underground facility steeped with
low level radiation. This is the
only strain of corn hardy enough to
thrive in such conditions.
BOWDEN
IT’S ACTUAL HELL CORN?1
SKIP
It’s edible but it has thick roots
and thorns! Walking into it would
be like walking into a briar patch!
BOWDEN
HELP!
SKIP
So our target couldn’t just walk
through it without a trace...
BOWDEN
POLICE!
MCGRATH (ON THE RADIO)
Bowden, get a grip.
GLORIA (ON THE RADIO)
It’ll be okay, sweetheart! Just
find your way through the
impossible maze and I’ll buy you a
corndog!
BOWDEN
NO! NO MORE CORN THINGS!
NIVIN (ON THE RADIO)
Agent Granger?
SKIP
Yes?
NIVIN (ON THE RADIO)
I think...I’ve solved it.
MCGRATH (ON THE RADIO)
You said there was no solution!
NIVIN (ON THE RADIO)
Not through the corn but...you said
there’s an underground facility?
SKIP
There was one, it was abandoned
...wait! Bowden, help me dig!
BOWDEN
Yes! We’ll dig our way out! Gimme a
shovel!
SKIP
No, with your hands!
BOWDEN
Oh.
They dig. CLANG.
SKIP
It’s a hatch! Right at the dead end
where the target disappeared.
NIVIN
I think the passageways in the
facility connect the disparate
parts of the corn maze.
BOWDEN
Wait...so there’s another maze
under this maze?
NIVIN
I can get you through it if you
tell me what you see as you go.
SKIP
Excellent. Let’s go, Scarecrow!
BOWDEN
Skip? I’m having trouble with a
corn maze, I may lose my mind in a
buried-alive maze.
SKIP
All right. I’ll go, you stay here
and keep watch for anyone coming
back through the hatch.
BOWDEN
I’m staying here alone?
MCGRATH
You can’t get lost if you stay put,
Bowden.
SKIP
I’ll be as quick as I can!
He enters the hatch.
BOWDEN
(terrified)
Okay! That’s fine! I’ll just...
think about happy movies with corn!
Field of Dreams...Oklahoma...
TRANSITION MUSIC
INT. ABANDONED UNDERGROUND MILITARY SILO - DAY
Skip creeps through the unground facility.
SKIP
I’m at an unmarked junction -
left/right.
NIVIN (ON COMMS)
Mark the left corridor with an X
and then head down it.
SKIP
Got it.
(he does)
This underground facility is
enormous!
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
Why doesn’t the government ever
give us a cool underground lair?
SKIP
It’s not a lair, it’s a facility.
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
What’s the difference?
SKIP
The paperwork.
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
I’m afraid to ask if he’s joking.
GLORIA (ON COMMS)
You think he’d joke about
paperwork?
SKIP
I’m coming up to a five-way
junction...yup, I’ve been here
before. Two Xs already marked.
NIVIN (ON COMMS)
Take the path between them.
SKIP
Roger that.
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
Skip, next time have the lab techs
build you a mapping drone or
something like in that Alien
prequel. Wait that’s a terrible
idea.
SKIP
I’ve just turned a corner...I can’t
see. It’s pitch black in here.
GLORIA (ON COMMS)
Don’t you carry a flashlight?
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
Or a phone?
SKIP
Wait! Let’s see...aha! I’ve still
got your lighter, McGrath! Let’s
see what we’ve got...
(snick)
WHOA!
Skip nearly FALLS OUT INTO SPACE!
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
Skip!
GLORIA (ON COMMS)
Kernel, are you okay?
SKIP
I’m okay Redenbacher! If I had
taken one more step...holy cow!
The ECHOES of his voice reverberate.
SKIP (CONT'D)
I almost fell right into the old
missile silo! Thank goodness for
your lighter, McGrath!
GLORIA (ON COMMS)
The base was decommissioned thirty
years ago! They didn’t fill in the
hole?
SKIP
Probably budget cuts.
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
That tracks.
SKIP
Wait! The old silo doors were
curved. They’d rise higher than the
rest of the ground. Corn wouldn’t
have enough depth of soil to grow!
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
Can someone translate this cornnerding-
out?
GLORIA (ON COMMS)
If corn won’t grow above the silo,
then there’d be a big circular gap
in the cornfield!
MCGRATH (ON COMMS)
The center!
NIVIN (ON COMMS)
Can you get up to the surface?
SKIP
Let’s see...I feel the rungs of a
ladder but it’s dark...here’s some
kind of breaker. Let’s see if it’s
the lights...
SNAP. The BZZZHT of electric sparks.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Ow, my ear! That...wasn’t the
lights. Oh no. I think I may have
triggered an electrostatic burst
that shorted out my comms and I’m
talking to myself aren’t I.
SHADOW
Not exactly.
Skip gasps! The CLICK of a pistol!
SHADOW (CONT'D)
Now, Mister Whoever-You-Are...start
climbing.
QUICK TRANSITION
EXT. BIPLANE - DAY
Gloria flies the plane while punching the radio.
GLORIA
Kernel? Kernel?
MCGRATH
Please don’t call him that.
GLORIA
Skip?
MCGRATH
And stop punching the radio, you’re
gonna hit the melt-the-plane
button! Move over, lemme see.
NIVIN
(gasps suddenly)
Nu-age ghosts!
MCGRATH
Nivin just stay quiet back there,
we’re trying to fix the comms!
NIVIN
Uh, sat on eggs!
GLORIA
I don’t think it’s the radio, I
think his comm unit is dead!
NIVIN
Enough stags!
MCGRATH
Jesus, Nivin, did you get possessed
by a Scrabble demon back there?
What are you trying to say -
The click of a pistol.
CASE
I believe your friend is spouting
anagrams for “she’s got a gun.”
NIVIN
Thank you. It wouldn’t come out.
GLORIA
Where did you come from?
NIVIN
The luggage compartment.
MCGRATH
Let’s all keep cool, now.
CASE
We certainly shall. Your friend’s
brilliant little head will stay in
one piece...just turn over the
plane controls to me.
GLORIA
It’s a tiny biplane, where do you
expect us to go?
CASE
Oh, I’ve got a marvelous idea.
TRANSITION MUSIC
EXT. CORN MAZE - DAY
The WHINE of a metal hatch, and Skip and Shadow crawl out to
the surface.
SHADOW
Very well, Mister X. Tell me who
you work for, and I’ll ensure that
someone will discover your body.
SKIP
That’d be a tough promise to keep,
seeing as we’re in an impossible
corn maze.
SHADOW
I’ll think I’ll leave you...in
this.
Skip GASPS.
SKIP
Is that a drop safe? I don’t think
I’ll fit in there.
SHADOW
Use your imagination.
SKIP
Egggh...
SHADOW
Have you any cord or rope to tie
your wrists?
SKIP
I don’t.
Then I’ll simply have to shoot you.
SKIP
How about corn husks?
SHADOW
Corn husks?
SKIP
The Standing Rock Tribes used corn
leaves for binding in ceremonies -
SHADOW
You’re very much making me want to
shoot you.
SKIP
I get that a lot. I’ll start
shucking!
Skip gathers some corn. Shadow keeps an eye on him, while
backing up to the safe.
SHADOW
Very good. Slowly. Now what was
that combination? Oh yes...
He starts spinning the lock. Skip works the corn.
SKIP
(to himself)
Think Granger, or you’ll drop dead
at this dead drop! What are your
assets? Your sense of organization,
a cigarette lighter, and...corn.
SHADOW
What are you doing over there?
SKIP
Nothing! Just getting some corn
husks! From this...dried...
golden...strain...
(to self)
...that’s it!
SHADOW
Hurry it up!
SKIP
Hurrying!
(to self)
Get the lighter...a little fluid
...light it up...and...whoop!
He TOSSES the corncob into the stalks.
SHADOW
What was that?
SKIP
Just throwing away the used
corncob!
SHADOW
You know, I think I’m through
giving you the benefit of the doubt-
SKIP
Open fire, captain!
The POP-POP-POP of what sounds like gunfire! Shadow dives for
cover!
SHADOW
Who’s that shooting? You won’t take
me alive!
SKIP
CORN THORNS TO THE FACE!
Shadow YELPS IN PAIN! Skip disarms and HIKEEBAS him! Shadow
GOES DOWN!
SKIP (CONT'D)
No gunfire at all, my good man! I
merely set the dried corn on fire,
producing instant popcorn! A
perfect distraction utilizing my
deep knowledge of oh you’re
unconscious aren’t you.
He is.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Well! Allow me to open your safe.
(thinks)
Perhaps I should have gotten the
combination from you before
knocking you out.
(thinks)
Poop.
TRANSITION MUSIC
EXT. CORN MAZE - DAY
Bowden sits by the hatch, quietly freaking out.
BOWDEN
...Babe...Charlotte’s Web...Chicken
Run...
(beeps his comms)
Anybody can play along! I’m happy
to hear other voices!
(nothing)
Gloria? Skip? Palindrome lady?
(nothing)
...At Any Price...The Straight
Story...
(beep)
Seriously McGrath if this is a joke
it’s time to knock it off!
(bangs on the metal door)
SKIP! SKIP GET THE FRICK OUT HERE!
A weird BIRD SOUND in the corn.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
WHO’S THAT? Who’s there?
(nothing)
Wicker Man...Signs...Children of
the Corn...Children of the Corn
2...Children of the Corn 5 FIELDS
OF TERROR -
More SOUNDS IN THE CORN. Bowden begins to scramble through
the corn maze.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
Abort mission! The corn is coming
for me! It wants blood! Why didn’t
we bring machetes?
(to the corn)
Please don’t eat me! I don’t eat
you! I’m on a very specific protein
diet! I’m a movie star! I don’t -
Bowden gasps in horrible realization. The corn SHAKES.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
-oh. Is this payback over...movie
theater...popcorn?
(rustle rustle)
I mean I’m the the film industry
but I don’t get my royalties from
...concessions...with the
supersized tubs...why can’t I stop
talking and making this worse?
More rustling.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
Screw this! Your thorns can’t stop
me! HIKEEBA!
Bowden hikeebas the corn. It works about as well as you’d
expect.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
I’ll pull you out by the roots!
RRRGGGHHOOWWWW!
He tears cornstalks out of the ground.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
Send me to prison! Fine me six
dollars! I’m blazing a trail right
out of this nightmare! GAH! OW!
GRRR!
Bowden starts cutting a very painful path through the corn.
EXT. BIPLANE - NIGHT
Case flies the plane with Nivin in the passenger seat.
CASE
Comfortable, my dear?
NIVIN
Comfortable: elm crab foot.
CASE
I’ll consider that a “yes”. And how
are you ladies feeling out on the
wings?
GLORIA
(calling from the wing)
AW, AND I JUST HAD MY HAIR DONE.
MCGRATH
(ditto)
I WANT TO CURSE YOU OUT BUT WHEN I
OPEN MY MOUTH MY JOWLS FLAP.
CASE
I’m impressed you’ve managed to
hold on! We could be in a real air
show. Barrel roll!
NIVIN
NO!
She does. McGrath and Gloria hang on for dear life. Case
laughs merrily.
CASE
What fun! Now tell me who you work
for!
MCGRATH
We’re Bananarama! We don’t work for
anybody!
CASE
Righty-o!
She flips the plane again.
CASE (CONT'D)
Care to revise your story?
GLORIA
Okay, okay! We work for Google! Our
bosses need 100% global domination
with their internet maps!
CASE
Let’s do a double roll!
GLORIA AND MCGRATH AND NIVIN
NOOOOOO
Case does. She’s having a grand old time.
CASE
Now tell me who you work for, or
I’ll start loop-de-loops.
NIVIN
Please, no more!
CASE
(cocking the gun)
Sit tight, my dear, and I won’t
have to shoot you. Let’s just pray
your friends don’t say any more
stupid things. How about it, girls?
MCGRATH
...I got something to say.
CASE
Excellent!
MCGRATH
Nivin sucks!
NIVIN
What? Why?
MCGRATH
Getting taking hostage? I didn’t
even have time to get any of that
farm food!
GLORIA
Is this what you’re thinking about
right now?
MCGRATH
You know what they sold at the
local brewery? They make a HOPS
DONUT.
NIVIN
What?
GLORIA
Hops, like in beer? Is that a beerdipped
donut?
CASE
That sounds utterly disgusting.
MCGRATH
RIGHT NOW. I could really go for a
HOPS DONUT.
NIVIN
Oh...are you sure?
MCGRATH
I’M REALLY REALLY SURE.
CASE
ENOUGH!
(gun cock)
There will be no more stunt flying.
I’ll shoot you and let you drop! So
do you really want to spend your
last breaths obsessing about “hops
donuts”?
NIVIN
It’s just that “hops donuts” is...
“do not push”.
Nivin PUSHES the “DO NOT PUSH” BUTTON!
The plane begins to CRUMBLE!
CASE
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
The wing CRACKS!
GLORIA
AH THE WING’S COMING OFF!
MCGRATH
Nivin, the backpacks!
CASE
Don’t move you - AH!
(crack)
GAAH what’s wrong with this cockpit
seat I’m falling through it!
NIVIN
Backpack number one!
GLORIA
Thanks, Nivin!
NIVIN
Backpack number two!
MCGRATH
Nivin, thanks!
NIVIN
And here’s WHOOOAH
The plane cracks and she FALLS THROUGH THE FLOOR!
GLORIA
Nivin get that pack OONNNNN
Gloria’s wing cracks and she falls!
MCGRATH
Coming!
CASE
Die!
Case SHOOTS! McGrath JUMPS!
MCGRATH
NICE TRY BIIIIIIII
CASE
No! You won’t escape MEEEEE
The bottom SHATTERS! Case FALLS!
QUICK TRANSITION
EXT. CORN MAZE - NIGHT
Bowden cuts his way through the cornstalks, reciting a
mantra.
BOWDEN
The Corn is Green! Silkwood!
Twister! There’s corn in that,
right? Sure there is!
He suddenly pushes through the final cornstalks and into an
open field.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
What? I DID IT! I BEAT YOU, YA
FILTHY MAZE! I’M OUT!
(beat)
Where am I?
(corn rustling)
Okay! No problem! Just walk through
the fields and keep the corn on
your left. It has to end sometime.
Right? Right?
He starts a brisk walk.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
Twisters...A Serious Man...
North...by...North...West?
He slows. The distant sound of a plane engine.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
(joyous)
Gloria! Gloria I’m down here do you
see me?
(beat)
Why are you flying right at me?
(beat)
SHIT!
Bowden begins to run. The plane motor gets closer...and
closer...!
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
...not gonna make it...never even
got a chance...to climb up...Thomas
Jefferson’s nostril...
And then just before the propeller hits him, the plane
explodes into dust.
He collapses and coughs profusely.
BOWDEN (CONT'D)
Why does it taste like rice cakes?
QUICK TRANSITION
EXT. CORN MAZE - NIGHT
Click-click-click.
SKIP
Sixteen to the left...twenty to the
right...fourteen to the left...is
exactly how many paces I’ve walked
while snapping this lighter and
trying figure out this combination
lock WHILE YOU LIE THERE
UNCONSCIOUS YOU VILLAIN.
Skip KICKS the drop safe.
SKIP (CONT'D)
OUCH. Ugh! Okay, get it together
Granger!
He starts pacing again.
SKIP (CONT'D)
If you were Nivin you’d solve this
puzzle. If you were Gloria you’d
beat the combination out of your
adversary. If you were McGrath
you’d blow the safe up. If you were
Bowden...well you’d probably be
running screaming from the corn.
Corn! Why do I know nothing but
corn?!?
(silence)
And codes. You know codes. Never
forget that.
(beat)
Wait a minute.
(he lugs Shadow up by the
lapels)
What did your contact say? Out by
the farm stand? Think, Skip! It
was...
He drops Shadow and leaps to the safe, spinning it...
SKIP (CONT'D)
To get to the center it took three
hours...
(tick tick tick)
...forty-six minutes...
(tick tick tick)
...and twenty seconds...
on...the...tick!
The safe opens!
SKIP (CONT'D)
Yes! I solved it! I’ve got the
briefcase!
(pulls up the hatch)
Now I simply find my way back
through a dark underground
labyrinth -
SHADOW
GIVE ME THAT BRIEFCASE!
SKIP
OH SURE NOW YOU WAKE UP!
The maniacal Shadow struggles with Skip!
SHADOW
I’LL KILL YOU!
SKIP
THIS IS NOT PROPER CORN MAZE
ETIQUETTE
SHADOW
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
SKIP
WE’RE AT A FARM DURING HARVEST
SEASON JUST ENJOY THE FALL -
SHADOW
AAAAAAA
Shadow slips and FALLS DOWN THE OPEN HATCH!
SKIP
Oh that wasn’t supposed to be
clever! I didn’t mean fall like -
THUMP, FAR BELOW.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Yikes. Um. Everything okay down
there?
BLAPPP. BLAPPP. An alarm goes off.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Um. I think you might have touched
something.
The ENTIRE GROUND BEGINS TO RISE UP WITH A MECHNICAL WHIRR.
SKIP (CONT'D)
I THINK YOU MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY
STARTED THE MISSILE LAUNCH
PROCEDURES! I THINK I’M GONNA GO
NOW!
Skip runs!
Skip barrels through the corn maze, while behind him, the
sounds of alarms, groaning machines, and soil sloughing.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Ugh! The ground is moving! Must go
faster! Oh no! This part of the
maze isn’t connected to the exit!
Skip CRIES OUT and falls, then scramble to his feet.
SKIP (CONT'D)
Keep moving! Keep moving! Wait!
What’s this?
(rustles corn)
Did someone destroy all this corn
and tunnel their way out of the
maze? Well that is very unfair to
the patrons of this corn maze -
THE GROUND SHIFTS VIOLENTLY!
SKIP (CONT'D)
AAAAH right time to go!
He hustles through the corn, and comes out in a field.
SKIP (CONT'D)
I’m out! Wait where am I?
BOWDEN (OFF)
Skip!
SKIP
Bowden! What happened you’re all
cut up!
BOWDEN
Don’t look at me!
SKIP
I mean it’s not that bad. I
recovered the package! WHOA!
The whole ground shifts.
BOWDEN
What else did you do?
SKIP
Run!
They start running.
BOWDEN
The ground is tilting us back
towards the center of the maze!
SKIP
The missile silo is opening up!
BOWDEN
The missile’s going to fire?!?
SKIP
Oh no, there’s no missile anymore.
BOWDEN
Thank god!
SKIP
It’s just going to suck us back
into the silo hole.
BOWDEN
What?
More landslide! They keep scrambling!
SKIP
The topsoil is just a thin layer on
top of the platform! The whole corn
field is sliding down through the
silo top!
BOWDEN
It’s like pulling a cloth through
the umbrella hole in a patio table!
SKIP
We’ll never make it before - wait,
what’s that coming through the corn-
A BUZZING NOISE CHOPS through the corn!
NIVIN
(getting closer)
Er, eh, er, ew...we’re here!
McGrath, Gloria and Nivin swoop down on their motorized hang
gliders and pick them up.
BOWDEN
McGrath, Gloria, Nivin! Who gave
you motorized hang gliders?
MCGRATH
Don’t ask!
GLORIA
Grab hold, Bo, Skip!
Skip and Bowden jump up and grab them!
SKIP
We’ve got the package! Mission
accomplished!
BOWDEN
After a fashion!
GLORIA
Glide to the next county, team!
MCGRATH
To another Dakota if the wind will
take us!
NIVIN
Leaving South Dakota: a look at
heaving dust.
MCGRATH
Couldn’t have said it better.
They soar off into the sunset.
The farm patrons all goggle as the corn maze falls into the
earth.
FARMSTAND
Well, that’s the third place I’ve
worked that got sucked into a hole.
(to a patron)
Closed for the season!
TRANSITION MUSIC
EXT. OLD HOUSE - DAY
Skip and Zelda drive up to an old house.
ZELDA
This is the house. Are you ready
for this meeting? You earned it.
SKIP
Well...we did destroy a cornfield
in the process.
ZELDA
You accomplished your mission
objective...and frankly, Skip, I’ve
gotten used to a little collateral
damage from your team.
They get out of the car and approach the door.
SKIP
I won’t hold you to that in the
future.
ZELDA
Well...you may not have to.
SKIP
What?
ZELDA
Skip. The person who authorized
this mission...is the previous
Section Chief of the EMF.
SKIP
Really?
ZELDA
I’m glad the two of you will have a
chance to meet...before I make you
the next Section Chief.
SKIP
What?!?
ZELDA
Don’t act so surprised. Even as a
mole you ran the Dark EMF like a
pro. You were made to be the next
Section Chief.
SKIP
I...where will you go?
ZELDA
Chet is going to tap me to be the
Secretary of Defense.
SKIP
Zelda that’s...congratulations.
ZELDA
Thank you. The old Chief handed me
the keys to the car almost twentyfive
years ago. Now I get to hand
you the keys.
(beat)
Don’t land on them.
They ring the doorbell. Slowly, an OLD WOMAN answers the
door.
FRIDAY
Hello Zelda. Skip.
SKIP
You’re...you’re Section Chief
Friday Saturday!
FRIDAY
That’s my handle, sonny. Come on
in.
They enter the creaky old house.
FRIDAY (CONT'D)
Sorry about the mess - Scraps was
the tidy one, God rest his soul.
(they sit)
So, Skip. You brought my package?
SKIP
Yes ma’am.
He hands it over. She opens it and takes out some papers.
FRIDAY
Good boy. Borrow your cigarette
lighter?
SKIP
Certainly! I have, uh, Lucky
Strikes if you want -
FRIDAY
No thanks.
She LIGHTS THE PAPERS on FIRE. Skip reacts a little, but
holds his tongue.
FRIDAY (CONT'D)
This is the business, Mister
Granger: secrets.
(beat)
Zelda says you did this for me
‘cause you think I know a secret
about something.
SKIP
Yes.
(beat)
What...or who...is OG?
ZELDA
Really Skip? You’re back on that?
SKIP
Organized Governmental...that
company is a front. I don’t know
for what, but...
FRIDAY
But you know it goes deep.
SKIP
Yes.
ZELDA
Friday? Is this...real?
FRIDAY
It’s real.
ZELDA
My god.
SKIP
Who is this OG?
FRIDAY
There’s a man in a room somewhere.
I don’t know where. Been there a
long time, since before I was born.
SKIP
Ma’am I don’t mean to be forward,
but records tell me that you are
ninety-five years young.
FRIDAY
It’s not the same man that was
there from the beginning. The man
in the room isn’t a person, it’s
more like...a job.
ZELDA
What kind of job?
FRIDAY
Well...like a Section Chief.
SKIP
A Section Chief of what?
FRIDAY
...of everything.
END CREDITS!
INT. NEW ATLANTIS - NO DEFINITE TIME
The automatic door swings wide! Terry huffs, out of breath.
ADMIRAL
Why, is that Terry Millionaire
beneath that glob of grease?
TERRY
I haven’t worked with tools since I
made my first million.
ADMIRAL
You weren’t born a millionaire?
With a name like “Millionaire”?
TERRY
My parents were great believers in
predestination. My full legal birth
name was Terrell Millionaire S. D -
ADMIRAL
Yes yes, I’m sure that’s all very
nice. When will you finish your
work here?
TERRY
I am...finished.
A glorious HUM! Tiny machines whirr to life all around them.
TERRY (CONT'D)
This cavernous underwater expanse
is fully capable of sustaining a
city of twenty million people.
ADMIRAL
Kind of empty, though...
TERRY
Yes...but my nanomachines are even
now fixing that.
The nanomachines SWARM!
ADMIRAL
Incredible...
TERRY
The swarm of nanites will 3-D print
buildings molecule by molecule
according to my designs. We will
literally grow New Atlantis.
ADMIRAL
And the nanites are fully
automated?
TERRY
They are. Within three months, your
city will be completed. I don’t
know who you will convince to move
down here, though.
ATHENA
I think I can handle that, Terry.
Athena walks through an automated door with her entourage.
TERRY
Athena O’Brien!
KRISTATOS
We love what you’ve done with the
place.
TOMAS
<evil bray>
TERRY
Fletcher! What is she doing here?!?
ATHENA
Oh I thought that was clear. I’m
going to make billions selling real
estate in this dump. And the
Admiral can be the...mayor?
President?
ADMIRAL
Poobah!
ATHENA
Sure.
TERRY
But you hate each other!
ATHENA
Eh. I hate lotsa people. Still
gotta do business.
TERRY
Fletcher! This woman betrayed you,
and me, multiple times! You can’t
expect me to work with her!
ADMIRAL
Actually Terry...
(grabs Terry)
...you’re right. I don’t.
He carries Terry to the torpedo tubes.
TERRY
What are you doing?!? Put me down!
ADMIRAL
Computer? Open the torpedo tubes!
COMPUTER
Torpedo tubes ready for launch.
TERRY
NO!
ADMIRAL
Thank you for your services, Terry,
but...the fully automated
construction nanites will take it
from here.
TERRY
NOOOOOO
The tubes closes....and FIRES!
WHOOSH! And Terry is gone.
ATHENA
Tough way to go, Terry. So Admiral.
Shall we discuss real estate?
ADMIRAL
Oh, Athena. So good to be working
with you again!
END MUSIC!